Any author will tell you that crafting the story is only
part of the process. Even after multiple readings and your own attempts to
polish the manuscript, that doesn’t mean you’re done. Not by any stretch of the
imagination.
A few weeks ago I submitted “Stealing Haven” the new short
story featuring Jamie Richmond to the publisher. She liked it and a week later I got it back
with her comments and edits. Now it was my turn to read over the suggestions,
make a few changes and send it back. Done. Yeah, right!
We went back and forth a few times. She had many great
ideas, a little addition here, cut this part there. Nothing major. Just a few
touches. Like adding spices to a recipe, it makes it that much better.
Working together, we got it done. And just in time too.
Because last week I received the contract for “Your Turn to Die” the second
book in the Jefferson Chene series. Excellent
news. Now I need to take a deep breath and get ready to work on the editing for
that story. The good news is, I’ll be working with the same editors who helped
shape “Why 319?”
Here’s an example of editing from “Why 319?” In the original draft, this was written from
the point of view of a third person. Ally, the editor, encouraged me to revise
it and use first person. At first I thought she was wrong. But after making the
change, I realized how well it worked.
It was almost becoming too easy.
They were everywhere. One plain Jane after another kept crossing my radar
screen. Some nights it was like shopping for bananas, and they were visible in
bunches.
Tonight was one of those nights. It
was as if someone were holding up a sign, steering them in my direction. Like
right now. Off to the left at one of those elevated stations, where you had to
sit on a bar-stool in order to reach the table, were two perfect physical
examples of the ideal target. Four women, each in their early to mid-twenties were
crowded around the postage stamp-sized table. I ruled two out immediately. They
were chunky, flashing lots of cleavage with large breasts. For a nanosecond, I
wondered if the flesh was real or the results of surgical enhancement. It didn’t
matter. They were unworthy of any further consideration.
But it was the other two who caught
my eye. The one on the right was a bottle blonde, which was obvious by the dark
roots showing and the dark eyebrows. The other was a brassy redhead. She was
tiny, almost doll like. I was in a perfect position to observe her. She was
wearing high-heeled red boots that came up over her knee, sassy-looking things
that accentuated her legs. Her black skirt barely touched the middle of her
thighs, but it might have been longer if she was standing up. She wore a heavy ivory-colored
wool sweater that covered her from the throat to the waist. It was loose enough
to keep the goodies beneath it a well-guarded secret. With the boots and the
short skirt, she was almost too good to be true. And upon reflection, I
realized she was.
Her attitude was a turn off. This
was a girl who flaunted the little bits she had. As she sat on the stool,
swaying to the background music, she kept crossing and uncrossing her legs,
putting on a floor-show of her own. Her hands were constantly in motion. Now
they were slowly, seductively sliding down her arms, dropping below the table
into her lap. They lingered for a moment, then skittered down her legs to tug
at the bottom of the skirt. This was no timid child. She was well aware of her
body. By the way she was moving, she knew how to use it.
My focus returned to the bottle
blonde. This one had potential. Her wardrobe was the polar opposite of the
redhead. Loose-fitting slacks, with low heeled shoes that would have been
rejected by a nun with an orthopedic condition, she wore a blouse buttoned to
the neck and a jacket to help conceal her. The only thing that broke the mold
for this plain Jane was the hair color. Upon a closer look, it was blonde
highlights swirled in with the natural brown, a shade best described as mousy
brown. Perhaps she was letting it grow out after getting it dyed for the
holidays. What would she look like, sprawled naked on a bed, unable to resist,
unable to stop, unable to do anything at all?
My body began to respond.
My heart rate kicked up a notch. A
warm glow started in the pit of my stomach and eased out in every direction. I
basked in the tremors of anticipation. My cheeks flushed with beads of
perspiration.
Yes, she could very easily be the
next one.
But first the stage had to be set.
And it was a time for patience. The plans were perfection, which was evident by
the lack of awareness of the public or any progress by the police. Those
bumblers in blue would never put it together because of the meticulous
planning. If by chance they somehow managed to get a clue, the misdirection was
already in place. So there could be no deviation from the plan. It had taken
weeks of study, of strategizing each and every move. Every step was plotted
out. Every move was a smooth, choreographed motion. Every action triggered the
next in a series of reactions. Just reflecting on the past efforts was enough
to make me smile. The memory of my last victim, her limp body slowly cooling as
the life force ebbed away was enough to bring a smile of triumph to my lips.
“What the hell are you grinning at?”
Malcolm asked as he stepped up.
“Just thinking about how good a
night this will be,” I said.
“I don’t want a bumpy ride tonight.”
I turned and looked him right in
the eye. “You got nothing to worry about, man. Everything will be smooth.”
Malcolm hesitated a moment as he
studied me, then nodded in agreement. “We can’t ever be too smooth.”
My smile widened. “That’s me, man,
I’m too smooth.”
Monday is March 19. In addition to birthdays and
anniversaries, that’s one that has special meaning to me. I look at it as ‘three
nineteen’ which is part of the title of the first Jefferson Chene mystery. Since it ties in with Chene so well, I’ll
consider that his birthday. Tell me
what’s the best way to celebrate it and you might just win a free copy of the
e-book.
This tune is perfect for the task at hand.
2 comments:
First person definitely works here, but I know what you mean about taking that leap from your comfort zone. Flotsam & Jetsam: the Amelia Island Affair, started out with my usual female perspective but the hero kept opening his big mouth and pulling my attention away from her. When I finally gave up it was so much easier to write. Congratulations on the story and the new book!
I've had the most success with the first person narratives. Although writing from Jamie's perspective always makes it more challenging!
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